Just some honest little thoughts.

I'm not a huggy person.  I'm working on accepting that about myself.  It's hard because I'm a midwife and a nurse and empathetic and all that... just sorta into my own personal space I guess.  I don't greet many people with a hug or say goodbye with a hug.  

My daughter Ali is a huggy person.  She has an elaborate bedtime routine that includes multiple hugs, kisses, kissing her stuffed bear, special handshakes and literal tucking in of the covers.  She WILL NOT leave the house in the morning without a firm hug and big kiss on the lips.  She is 10 years old and still insists on holding my hand wherever we go.  She joked once that holding hands with Mom is like "holding a dead fish".  I asked her to explain and she said that when she holds hands with Dad, he holds her hand back.  Tight.  He likes to snuggle on the couch and Mom likes a little space.  I felt bad.  Really bad.  Here I have very little time left with this sweet girl who still likes to hold hands and I'm a dead fish.  So I'm paying attention now.  I'm not a huggy person, but I'm a fierce hand holder these days and Ali will get all the hugs and kisses she needs.  

Eva is affectionate in her own laid back way.  She is the youngest and still elicits that baby response in me.  I pick her up when she cries.  I pet her forehead when she sleeps.  But a quick hug and kiss at bedtime is all she requires.

Mia is not a huggy person.  She is independent and strong-willed and resistant to too much affection.  I have called her "prickly" at times.  I have threatened to put sugar in her socks to sweeten her up, which gets a rare grin out of her.  I worry that because it is not in my nature to be huggy and because it's not in hers, that she will grow up with some kind of deficient oxytocin receptors due to lack of physical parental affection.  (I just made up a new medical condition.)  

Mia has surgery scheduled this Friday.  I have the whole weekend off-call to take care of her.  While I hate to think about her being in pain or being scared, I am really looking forward to getting to be her mom and hold her hand through this.  I've got Monster House on Blu Ray to watch with her.  I've got ice cream and popcicles and chicken noodle soup.  I've washed her favorite blankie.  And I hope she'll feel just uncomfortable enough to want her Mom....  And I suppose while I'm working on accepting these things about my own self, I can work on accepting these things about my little girl.  The apple doesn't fall far, does it?  

Here's Mia demonstrating how she developed her hernia.